As many of you know, I tend to collect stuff. Basically I will never refuse anything that might be remotely useful, so stuff just sort of filters down to me. For example, I have a box of energy bars. I have never to my knowledge purchased an energy bar, and my feeding during rides usually consists of actual food or no food at all. Nonetheless, I have a whole box of these things that I acquired somehow. Some of this stuff have been around for quite a long time, but it never tasted very good to begin with, so I suspect it's equally tasteless now.
First there's something called "Power Gel." Comes in a shiny package, feels pretty gelatinous. If the name weren't appetizing enough, it's tropical fruit flavor. Doesn't really specify which fruit, I guess they leave that to your imagination. Since its "best by" date is April 1999 I suspect it will remain a mystery. There's another one that is "caffeinated chocolate" flavor. Personally, I prefer to get my caffeine and chocolate by popping bon bons with an espresso chaser, but I guess you don't have that luxury on the road. This one's best by October 1999, considerably fresher than the other one.
Next we have "Warpaide" dietary supplement. I think this used to be a powder, but it is more bricklike now. It claimed to be "naturally flavored wild wildberry," whatever that is. Looks to be about the same vintage as the Power Gel, and since it's mostly sugar (fructose, dextrose and friends) probably wouldn't be dangerous to consume. It says "use during exercise." Good thing they put that on the package, I was thinking about having a Warpaide cocktail at happy hour. I actually have two of these, the second one actually seems to still be in a crystalline state, may hang onto that one.
Then there's a "WarpBAR" looks to be from the same warped family. This is actually more pliable than the powder. It seems to be "cookie dough" flavor which is pretty scary. It has a "bioactive matrix" with "herbal accelerators." What could that possibly mean?
Then there's the Stoker Orange Cranberry Energy Bar. It's "Low Fat" which seems a curious attribute for something whose raison d'être is pumping calories into you. It tells me to "Get stoked by: January 1998," so that ship has long sailed. It also seems to have developed rigor mortis and were I to try to eat it would probably break a tooth.
Then there's a Clif bar, another chocolate/caffeine combo. This one was actually produced in the 21st century, "18 April 03" on the package. It also seems rock hard, but I'm not sure that's any different than when it was new. Might actually try eating that one, it's "sample size" so I doubt it could do too much damage.
Then there are two Clif Shot electrolyte replacement drinks. The packages still look shiny, and pliable, copyright 2006. They claim to the "92% organic." One hesitates to think about what the other 8% might be.
Last but not least is a package of Clif Shot Bloks, "21Mar08" practically new. These are dark brown moist pellets, don't look all that appetizing, but they are strawberry flavor. Subtitle says "organic energy chews." From my experience in the animal world, a chew is an inedible object something an animal gnaws on to keep their teeth sharp. Here I think the chewing part is supposed to end up in consumption, but with these babies there might be quite a bit of chewing involved.
I think I'll probably end up tossing the stuff made before the turn of the century, but I might give the Clif stuff a shot, so to speak.