If you've religiously followed my winter training tips, by now you must be sporting quite a handsome midriff bulge. The untrained observer might suppose this would be a detriment to your cycling success, but on the contrary, you should be able to turn this to your advantage. You should be able to use your superior mass to good advantage on all the downhills (this is the secret of tandeming). So all you have to do is avoid climbing. Here's how.
Avoid circular loops. The unfortunate fact of geometry is that if you travel a route that starts and ends at the same place, you are at some point going to have to make up all those fabulous feet of elevation drop with elevation gain. Choose rides that start at a comfortable distance above sea level, and end somewhat lower, say at the bottom of a mine shaft. The Mount Washington Hill Climb embraced this idea, but, unfortunately, they do it in the wrong direction.
Use chair lifts wherever possible. I've read there's a new fad in mountain biking where you can ride up a ski lift and then enjoy only the hair-raising descent. This is an excellent pursuit for the avoirdupois challenged.
You can use your new found mass effectively in bullying tactics. Since you'll probably never be able to win a sprint fairly, you should try to knock out the serious contenders early on with a well placed elbow. Intimidation works well if you look like Hulk Hogan, "Get out of my way, or I'll sit on you."
I'm sure I've only scratched the surface of the benefits a few extra pounds can yield.
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